What Heated Rivalry Gets Right and What Your Marriage Really Needs
Why are so many people drawn to the intensity of Heated Rivalry? This post explores what romance fantasy gets right about desire and emotional aliveness…and what real marriages actually need to sustain connection without burning out.
“I Want You to Want to Do the Dishes”: The Fight That Explains So Much About Relationships
“I want you to want to do the dishes” is one of the most common, and misunderstood, conflicts in long-term relationships. This dynamic isn’t really about chores. It’s about mental load, emotional safety, and the longing for shared responsibility. In this post, we explore why this pattern traps both partners, how it shows up in EFT as a classic relational dance, and what actually helps couples move out of resentment and back into connection.
Is This My Trauma or a Relationship That Needs Repair?
You can be self-aware, regulated, and doing “the work”—and still feel lonely in your relationship. When insight doesn’t lead to change, it’s worth asking a different question: is this my trauma, or is something in the relationship itself asking for repair? This post offers a compassionate framework for telling the difference.
When Love Feels Routine: How to Spot (and Shift) the “Roommate Energy” in Your Relationship
When relationships start to feel more functional than emotional, many couples quietly wonder if something is wrong. The truth is, “roommate energy” is incredibly common — and completely workable. In this post, you’ll learn the subtle signs your connection may be drifting, why it happens, and how to gently begin reconnecting in ways that feel safe, meaningful, and sustainable.
Setting Intentions as a Couple: A Gentle Way to Begin the New Year Together
The new year brings hope…and pressure. For couples longing for deeper connection, setting shared intentions offers a gentler, more powerful way to begin the year with clarity, closeness, and purpose.
When You Realize You’re in “Roommate Mode”: What Actually Helps Couples Reconnect
When couples realize they’ve slipped into “roommate mode,” the hardest part isn’t understanding why it happened — it’s knowing what actually helps next. This post explores how self-awareness, emotional safety, and small shifts in how couples respond to each other can gently restore closeness without blame or overwhelm.
Why Couples Drift Into “Roommate Mode” And 3 Steps to Rekindle Emotional Intimacy
Many couples love each other deeply yet feel more like roommates than partners. Learn the underlying reasons couples drift into “roommate mode” and three therapist-backed steps to rekindle emotional intimacy, rebuild safety, and reconnect with each other in meaningful ways.
Why the Holidays Trigger Old Emotional Patterns — and How to Break the Cycle (Without Pretending Everything Is Fine)
The holidays can bring a surprising mix of joy, pressure, nostalgia, and emotional overwhelm. If you’re noticing old patterns resurfacing—or feeling both excited and strangely heavy—there’s a reason. In this post, I break down why the season activates our nervous systems and how to reset with simple steps that deepen connection with yourself and your relationship.
Why Couples Fight More During the Holidays (and How to Stay Connected This Season)
The holidays are supposed to feel magical—but for many couples, they bring more tension than togetherness. As a couples therapist (and unapologetic holiday nerd), I see the same relational triggers show up every year: unspoken expectations, burnout, old family dynamics, mismatched needs, and the pressure to “be happy.” In this post, I break down why couples fight more during the holidays and how to stay connected through the stress, chaos, and emotional landmines of the season.
Why Women Love Slow-Burn Romance Novels (And What It Teaches Us About Long-Term Desire)
Ever wonder why so many women devour slow-burn romance novels filled with pages of longing and anticipation? It’s not just escapism — these stories actually mirror how responsive desire works in real life. In this post, I break down why anticipation matters so much for women in long-term relationships and how to bring that slow-burn spark back into your own connection.
When It’s Hard to Open Up in Relationships: Understanding Emotional Distance and Conflict Avoidance
Do you find it hard to open up, avoid conflict, or feel overwhelmed by your partner’s emotions? You’re not alone. Many people protect themselves by staying calm, quiet, or emotionally distant — even when they crave connection. This post explores why that happens and how Emotionally Focused Therapy can help you feel safe enough to reconnect.
Will Couples Therapy Make Our Relationship Worse?
Worried couples therapy might make your relationship worse? It’s a common fear—but avoiding help often keeps issues unresolved. In this post, we explore why therapy can feel uncomfortable at first, how to tell if it’s actually helping, and warning signs it might not be the right fit. Learn how couples therapy can strengthen communication, break unhelpful patterns, and deepen your connection—even when it feels hard.
I Think My Partner Has Anxious Attachment. How Can I Get Them to Calm Down and Give Me Space?
Does your partner seem “clingy” or need constant reassurance? Anxious attachment often looks like over-closeness, but underneath it’s driven by fear of abandonment. Learn what’s really going on, why their protective strategies come from care, and how you can support your partner while still honoring your need for space.
I Think My Partner Has Avoidant Attachment. How Can I Make Them Open Up and Care About Me?
Wondering if your partner has avoidant attachment? Avoidant partners may seem distant or emotionally unavailable, but underneath, their protective strategies come from fear—not lack of love. Learn what avoidant attachment looks like, the beliefs that drive it, and how you can build safety, connection, and closeness in your relationship.
Is It Me or Is It Them? Post-Breakup Rumination and How to Find Peace and Acceptance
After a breakup, it’s common to replay conversations and ask yourself, ‘Was it me or was it them?’ Rumination can keep you stuck in cycles of blame and doubt. This post explores why we get caught in these loops, how IFS can help us understand the different ‘parts’ that show up after heartbreak, and gentle ways to move toward peace, closure, and self-compassion.
Subtle Forms of Avoidance in Relationships: How They Show Up and What to Do About Them
Avoidance in relationships doesn’t always look like shutting down. Sometimes it shows up in more subtle ways—like over-analyzing, problem-solving too quickly, or people-pleasing. These protective strategies often come from a good place, but they can create distance and leave both partners feeling unseen. In this post, we explore why these patterns show up, how they protect us, and what you can do to build deeper emotional connection.
Healing From Infidelity: What the Process Looks Like and Finding Hope After Betrayal
Infidelity can leave you feeling shattered, questioning trust, and wondering if healing is even possible. The recovery journey is rarely linear—there are moments of pain, progress, and setbacks along the way. Whether you’re working to rebuild your relationship or finding a path forward on your own, there is hope. In this post, we explore what the healing process looks like, common challenges to expect, and how therapy can support you in moving toward a healthier future.
Managing Back-to-School Stress as a Couple: Staying Connected Through Transitions
Back-to-school season can leave couples feeling more like co-managers than partners. Between schedules, homework, and busy evenings, intimacy often slips to the background. In this post, we’ll explore simple, intentional ways to stay connected and nurture your relationship during transitions—so you feel like a team, not just parents juggling logistics.
Responsive vs. Spontaneous Sexual Desire
When one partner has spontaneous sexual desire and the other has responsive desire, mismatched sex drive can create a painful stalemate. Here’s how to understand these differences, break the cycle, and improve intimacy in your relationship.
Contempt in Relationships: What It Looks Like, Where It Comes From, and How to Heal
Contempt is one of the most toxic forces in a relationship — and a leading predictor of divorce. Learn how to spot contempt, understand where it comes from, and take steps to repair respect, trust, and connection before it’s too late.