Couples Counseling in Portland, Maine
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy & Relationship Support
Strong, secure attachments are essential for healthy relationships. When couples experience conflict, it often stems from unmet attachment needs—those deep emotional needs for connection, safety, and understanding.
Attachment-Based Couples Therapy in Portland, Maine
In couples counseling, I use Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), a proven, attachment-focused approach. EFT helps partners identify and understand their patterns of conflict and vulnerability. Often, couples react with defensive, avoidant, or protective behaviors instead of expressing underlying emotions like:
“My needs don’t matter”
“My partner doesn’t care”
“I’m unlovable or unworthy”
In couples counseling, we reframe our reactions.
For the person who is the more anxious, pursuing partner—that is often their way of fighting for the relationship. For the partner who is more avoidant or withdrawing, that is their own way of preserving the relationship.
These approaches can continue to trigger each other in a cycle.
In couples counseling, we slow down. We work to get under the surface of reactive behaviors and emotions that we see and look at the more vulnerable emotions resulting from our unmet attachment needs.
By interpreting these needs together, I aim to help you communicate your attachment needs directly to each other.
Couples Counseling - What to Expect
Beginning couples therapy can be overwhelming.
Here’s what to expect when we work together.
Session 1: We start at the beginning. What was it like when you first met? What drew you to each other? When did things start to shift, and what do you see as your current dynamic and challenges?
Session 2: I meet with each of you individually to learn more about your individual attachment histories and how past relationships may impact your current relationship. I’ll hear more from both of you about how you understand your role within your cycle.
Session 3: Coming back together, we work to outline what your negative cycle is and externalize it—the cycle, not the partner, is the problem. We use this as a tool to begin reframing and slowing down conflict in session and, eventually, out in the world.
Beyond: Often, most subsequent sessions are with both of you. Occasionally, we’ll break out into individual sessions too if it’s helpful to process certain issues that come up.
FAQs
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We typically start with weekly sessions to build trust and establish patterns of communication. Frequency can adjust as your relationship strengthens.
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For some people, going to counseling can be intimidating or overwhelming. Coming in for the first session can make the idea of couples counseling feel much more human and welcoming. If you'd like to discuss your situation and your needs, I'm happy to get on the phone for a consultation.
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One-hour couples sessions cost $225.