“I Want You to Want to Do the Dishes”: The Fight That Explains So Much About Relationships

“I want you to want to do the dishes” is one of the most common, and misunderstood, conflicts in long-term relationships. This dynamic isn’t really about chores. It’s about mental load, emotional safety, and the longing for shared responsibility. In this post, we explore why this pattern traps both partners, how it shows up in EFT as a classic relational dance, and what actually helps couples move out of resentment and back into connection.