What Is Negative Sentiment Override in Relationships (And How to Break the Cycle)

Do you find yourself assuming the worst about your partner’s intentions—even over small things?
Do once-neutral moments now feel loaded with tension or criticism?

If so, your relationship may be stuck in what psychologists call Negative Sentiment Override (NSO)—a dynamic that makes it hard to see the good in your partner and slowly erodes connection.

In this post, we’ll explore what negative sentiment override is, how it develops, and most importantly—how to get out of it and rebuild a healthier emotional climate in your relationship.

What Is Negative Sentiment Override?

Negative Sentiment Override is a term coined by relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman. It refers to a state in which a partner’s negative thoughts, feelings, or assumptions about the other override the positive ones, even when the situation doesn’t warrant it.

In other words, you stop giving your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Even neutral or kind gestures might be interpreted through a negative filter. For example:

• Your partner says “I’ll take care of the dishes tonight,” and you think, “They’re only doing it because I complained yesterday.”

• They give you a compliment, and you wonder, “What do they want from me?”

• You forget a small task, and they assume it’s intentional or careless—not human error.

This dynamic creates a toxic emotional filter that distorts communication and builds resentment.

What Causes Negative Sentiment Override?

NSO typically builds over time as a result of unresolved conflict, repeated emotional injuries, or chronic disconnection.

Contributing factors might include:

• Frequent criticism or defensiveness

• Feeling unseen, dismissed, or underappreciated

• A pattern of missed bids for connection

• Ongoing stress or burnout

• Unrepaired emotional ruptures like betrayal, dismissiveness, or stonewalling

Over time, couples start expecting disconnection, even when the other is reaching out. And that expectation shapes perception.

Signs You Might Be Stuck in Negative Sentiment Override

• You assume your partner’s motives are selfish or critical

• You often feel irritated or on edge around them

• You interpret neutral interactions as negative or dismissive

• Arguments escalate quickly and rarely feel resolved

• You feel emotionally distant or checked out

• Positive efforts from your partner fall flat or feel suspicious

How to Get Out of Negative Sentiment Override

The good news? NSO is reversible. With intentional effort, couples can shift the emotional tone of their relationship and rebuild connection. Here's how:

1. Name the Pattern, Not the Partner

Start by naming the dynamic rather than blaming your partner.
Try saying: “I think we’ve gotten stuck in a loop where we assume the worst in each other.”
Framing it this way invites collaboration and curiosity instead of defensiveness.

2. Look for the Good on Purpose

When your brain is stuck in NSO, it filters out positive interactions. Begin to intentionally look for small moments of kindness, support, or effort—and name them out loud.
This might sound like:

• “Thanks for unloading the dishwasher. I noticed.”

• “I appreciated that you asked how my day was.”

Practicing gratitude helps recalibrate your emotional lens.

3. Use the “Most Generous Interpretation”

Dr. Becky Kennedy, psychologist and founder of Good Inside, encourages us to practice the “Most Generous Interpretation.”
This means choosing to interpret your partner’s actions or words in the kindest, most compassionate light—even if your first impulse is to assume the worst.

Instead of thinking:

• “They’re ignoring me on purpose.”

Try:

• “Maybe they’re overwhelmed right now and don’t have the capacity to respond the way I want them to.”

This practice doesn’t mean minimizing real hurt—but it interrupts negative narratives and gives space for curiosity, empathy, and repair.

4. Repair Early and Often

You don't need to be perfect—you just need to repair. A quick apology, a check-in, or a soft start can keep disconnection from snowballing.

Try phrases like:

• “That came out sharper than I meant—can I try again?”

• “I think I misread your tone earlier. Can we check back in?”

Repair is one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship health.

5. Rebuild Emotional Safety

Trust and connection thrive when both people feel emotionally safe. That means:

• Validating emotions instead of dismissing them

• Practicing active listening

• Sharing softer, more vulnerable feelings underneath anger or frustration

Instead of saying: “You never listen to me.”
Try: “I feel unimportant when I’m talking and I sense you’re distracted. I want to feel more connected to you.”

6. Try Couples Therapy

Sometimes, the pattern is too entrenched to change alone. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) can help couples move from reactivity and blame to vulnerability and secure connection.

In therapy, you’ll learn to identify your negative cycle, access softer emotions underneath the conflict, and create new, healing interactions.

Final Thoughts

Negative Sentiment Override makes it hard to see the good—but that doesn’t mean the good is gone.
By naming the pattern, shifting how you interpret your partner’s behavior, and rebuilding emotional safety, you can start to reconnect with warmth, empathy, and trust.

If you and your partner are ready to change the story your relationship is telling, I can help.

🧡 Learn more about couples therapy here
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