What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy and How Can It Help Your Relationship?
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the same argument with your partner—again and again—only to walk away feeling unheard, disconnected, or hopeless, you’re not alone. Many couples feel like they’re speaking different languages when it comes to emotions, needs, and conflict. That’s where Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) comes in.
EFT is a powerful, evidence-based approach to couples therapy that helps partners move from disconnection and defensiveness into secure, lasting emotional bonds.
Let’s break it down.
What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)?
Developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in the 1980s, EFT is a short-term, structured model of couples therapy rooted in attachment theory. Rather than focusing on surface-level behaviors or communication techniques alone, EFT goes deeper—helping couples understand the emotional patterns that drive conflict and disconnection.
At its core, EFT helps couples answer this question:
“Can I count on you? Are you there for me emotionally?”
EFT Is Based on Attachment — Here’s Why That Matters
Attachment theory tells us that as humans, we’re wired for connection. When we feel safe, supported, and emotionally connected in our relationships, we thrive. But when we sense distance, criticism, or withdrawal from a partner, it can trigger deep fears—often beneath our awareness.
In EFT, we identify the negative cycle that keeps couples stuck. For example:
One partner criticizes or pursues connection.
The other shuts down or withdraws to avoid conflict.
Both feel hurt and alone.
Instead of staying stuck in blame or silence, EFT helps each partner slow down, tune in to their underlying emotions, and reach for each other in new ways.
What Does EFT Actually Look Like in Session?
You won’t just rehash arguments or learn “I statements.”
In couples therapy sessions, you’ll:
Recognize the negative cycle you’re both caught in
Explore what emotions and fears are underneath your reactions
Learn how to express those emotions in a softer, more vulnerable way
Rebuild trust and emotional safety, one conversation at a time
Your therapist acts like a guide—helping you have new, healing experiences with each other right in the room.
Does EFT Really Work?
Yes. EFT is one of the most research-backed approaches to couples therapy available today. Studies show that:
70–75% of couples move from distress to recovery
90% report significant improvements in their relationship
And perhaps most importantly, these changes tend to last—even after therapy ends.
Is EFT Right for You?
EFT is especially effective for couples who:
Feel stuck in recurring arguments or emotional distance
Struggle with trust, closeness, or feeling “on the same team”
Want a deeper emotional connection, not just better communication
Whether you’re navigating the early stages of commitment, recovering from a rupture, or simply longing to feel closer again—EFT offers a roadmap back to connection.
Final Thoughts
Relationships are hard. But they don’t have to be hopeless.
Emotionally Focused Therapy doesn’t just help you “fix” a problem—it helps you understand each other on a deeper level and build a secure, lasting bond. If you're ready to stop fighting and start reconnecting, EFT might be the path forward.
Interested in learning more about EFT or starting couples therapy?
Contact me here to schedule a free consultation. Or, explore my services page to learn more about how I support couples, individuals, and families.
